Day 0 – happiness to horror

Sunday had started out perfectly. Especially when it was followed by a perfect Saturday. It was a beautiful summer day; after months of cold winter. It was a welcome sign to get out of the house and into the warm hands of summer. We headed to Lake Mills in Wisconsin, about an hour from our…

Never did I think…never ever

Never did I think that I would start writing a blog in search for strength and hope. More than anything, to help me accept this new reality. I had often thought about writing a blog on more frivolous and mundane subjects. A travel journal or a recipe blog perhaps. But never did I think I…

Jack and Jill…

Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, And Jill came tumbling after!

Sometimes

Things don’t work out the way you thought they would.

Happy Valentine’s Day

I hope you started the morning happy today. Cheerful and hopeful. With or without roses, big celebrations or humble dinners. Even if you are far apart, I hope you find the time to express your love. Over everything else, I hope you have someone you love and who loves you back. I still do. In pieces….

Still hopeful

We have come a long way since last year. Jitish was still bound to the wheelchair, barely walking or talking this time last year. Today, he can walk on his own (but is still at a 99% fall risk). Today, he can talk his mind (despite his repeated fixation on the same topics and evident lack…

and he fell again!

I fail to understand why the guy does not exercise caution. Or senses risk. Or has fear! I live in fear for his safety. All the time! But, one can’t choose what functions of the brain heal first.  

Another year!

It has become very hard to enjoy celebrations. But I will celebrate. It has become harder to stay happy on birthdays and big days. But I will (make an effort to) smile. It has become hard to laugh at jokes. But I will persevere. It has become harder to plan the future. But I will…

It Just Blows!

This chapter of life just blows! To holy kingdom and back. Just blows! This is purgatory. There is no two ways about this. It must be. With no idea where we are heading. Will this train-wreck continue? Are we going straight to hell or is a divine hand going to pull us back to life?…

Channeling your inner Gandhi

Recovery is hard. Harder when you have to deal with inconsistencies in cognition and bursts of confusion. There is no switch that flips in between the two. It is a long winded bridge from confusion to clarity. And there is no telling how long this journey will take, if at all. This is a very…

And it gets worse.

Jitish is having a particularly bad few days. He has woken up in a new body, in a new mind and with a damaged brain. He has woken up to a drastically new life. Today is worse. Unfortunately, I have to be at work. And I can’t be of help or support to him or…

When the going gets tougher and tougher and …

One by one, Jitish’s provisional aides bid their congratulatory goodbyes. Almost a year after the Trach and Peg tube were removed, it was time for the IVC filter to bid adieu. The removal of the Trach and Peg tubes were a long drawn, painful process. But at the time, Jitish was barely aware of his own state or surroundings….

The IVC filter comes out

We are at the UW Madison Hospital today morning.  Jitish gets his IVC filter taken out today. We are nervous. But Jitish looks completely composed. Restless even, wanting to just get it over with. The Doctor comes in and explains the procedure and the risks associated. My heart is racing. Jitish looks nonchalantly and urges…