It has become very hard to enjoy celebrations. But I will celebrate. It has become harder to stay happy on birthdays and big days. But I will (make an effort to) smile. It has become hard to laugh at jokes. But I will persevere. It has become harder to plan the future. But I will hope. I am going to force the universe to give us back our happiness. To give us back that early morning cup of tea, to enjoy with no worries in the world. To give us back the free spirit and hopeful future. I am going to trick the universe. I will smile and grin like an idiot, until it comes true. I am going to shock the universe into bringing him back to where we once were; back to our untethered life, free of all qualms. In your face, Universe!
I don’t want to bash on 2016. It got Jitish to walk again; despite the shortcomings. I don’t want to brood over 2016 because it gave Jitish his sense of free will and awareness. If I had to blame a year for all of this, I could rewind back to 2015. But I am going to choose to think of 2015 as the year we survived. I am going to try very hard to think of the past 2 years as anything else but a tragedy. Well, I am going to try very (very) hard.
A new year calls for a new list of achievements and milestones to break. Right? Last year, was a pathetic and saddening list made up of basic human requirements – getting out of the wheelchair, learning to balance, to walk, to read, to speak, to think. Some we have achieved, and some remain painfully delayed. In the process, we have been to the Emergency Room quite a few times and have had big scares. But on the bright side, it was better than the end of 2015. The many baby steps have amounted to a big stride in his recovery, but there still remains an arduous road ahead.
Jitish and I had been big planners. Planning our next career goal, our next vacation and our next achievement with a childish excitement. While those plans have been stalled, I am going to make my (our) wishlist nonetheless. So here goes, 2017.
- No more falls, no more hurt, NO MORE!
- No Emergency Room visits
- Gain control and feeling over his right side
- Walk on his own, safely
- Read fluently again
- Never losing OUR temper
- Get back his memories, please
- Understand mathematics and sciences
- Have something to really smile about every single day
- Travel, hopefully, to India for a happy and peaceful vacation
- Revive our friendships
- Make plans for a happier future
I wish everyone a happy new year. A year free of big worries and scares. A year filled with moments that make you giddy with happiness. Smile in the face of stress. Toughen up at times of tensions.
Give us your best, 2017. Make us believe that you are the liberating light at the end of the tormenting tunnel.