We met on this day, Eight years ago. Looking back, I guess we were meant to meet. He was meant to miss his bus, I was meant to have no plans on New Years. And we ended up accompanying our best friend’s to a 2008 New Year’s Eve party. He with his best bud, Harish; and me with mine, Trusha. Years later, when they announced their wedding, we couldn’t have been happier. We were glad that when we spoke of the day we met, the two people who made it happen also had their happy love story to tell. Thank you. To you guys. And to the day we met. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Maybe it was the accident, that made our memories together all the more stronger and vivid. I am grateful for them.
Today is New Years. A day of high spirits. Joy. Lightheartedness. But the day is bearing me down. I can’t hold the weight of it all by myself. I can’t be the only keeper of our memories together. These big celebratory days is when I crash. Scrambling to keep up. We met on New Years, got married in India on Christmas last year. Every big holiday we traveled. We have so many memories. I find myself staying up beyond midnight, or waking up in the middle of the night to check my phone. Just around the corner from our accident, Facebook added on the “memories” feature. I check it everyday. To try to relive that day in our past together. To never forget. In the hope to revive it in our future again.
I have the strength to understand that things might not go our way. Jitish might never walk again. He might never get his memories back. He might never remember who he is. Or who I am. His past might be the responsibility of all of us to carry. I get it. It is hard to accept that we could be heading to that reality. No matter how hard or inconceivable it may be. Never ignore. Choose to accept. Discuss with family. Or friends. Or counselors. Anyone that might help you accept. Whether it is in your car with the windows drawn and the radio on high. Or in the shower, when the sound of water can dull down the sound of crying.
In your time. In your pace. Prepare for the worst.
But always hope for the best. No one can tell you what your life will be. What your future can be. With Brain Injury, it gets impossible to predict the outcome. People who live and breathe the tragedy, Doctors and Nurses, can’t tell you what the outcome can be. So never lose hope. There is no reason to. Hope gives you a resolve. Gives you the fire to fight. Gives you the positive spirit that will influence everyone around you.
I choose to push. You should too. Fight for your life.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen”.
Well, I have made my decision. Now the universe and everything in it has to conspire to make it happen.
Give us back our happy life. It’s due. We are waiting.